By looking at me, you wouldn't think I'd be in Africa in less than 3 weeks.
I walked to work this morning, looking just like any other working girl. Fake D&G (real leather from Chapel Street and cost a good $100 mind you) perched on my shoulder, sunnies, bow in hair, Lisa Ho bag dangling from a bent elbow, carrying my favourite blue fish-skin shoes and my hands wildly texting on my iPhone. Right now, I'm tanned, blonde and smelling like Armani Code. In 3 weeks, I'll be in Kitgum, the first leg of a 7 week trip, visiting the Compassion Project and meeting my sponsor child. (The cutest little girl called Praise).
It's hard to comprehend. I'm beginning to try to make the most of every delightful moment we take for granted. My coffee made by one of the best barista's at Mecca every morning. Putting on make-up and doing my hair after a deliciously hot/long shower and feeling pretty. Sleeping in a big bed, with a fan and air-con, safe in a big house. Knowing what my day will bring. Knowing I'll have sushi for lunch that won't give me diahorrea, or that I can get home when I want after work. I don't need to wait 2 hours for a truck to come. Being in instant contact with my friends and family, and having lunch with them on our lunch breaks. I'm even appreciating the people at work that usually drive me crazy.
I sound like I'm dying.
But perhaps a part of me is. The Princess might actually die in me.
It's a wrestle. I love beauty and feeling pretty. I like to shop and go out for dinner and a cocktail and watch all the Oscar movies before the Oscars.
But I love Justice and Jesus. More. Of course. But it needs to get bigger, so I and my desires can get smaller.
It is so clear in scripture that he who loves his life must lose it. I've lost it before. It was ok. I survived. So now I'll lose comfort and language and my safety net and find Life in Him. Under the mosquito net at night with a fan that may or may not work. Lying in territory the devil once ruled and still has strongholds over. Lying on ground where children have murdered and ravaged villages.
I will have a bag of half gifts and half me. My little comforts of tops and skirts for equator heat. Boots and jackets for a 'holiday' in Europe (which really is an absolute contradiction I can't seem to shake) and a few comfort items such as a book, muesli bars and some melted chocolate (Fair Trade of course).
And so I approach March 7 with eager anticipation mixed with apprehnsion and fear. But it all rests in Him.
Maybe I'll have a little sorry-for-myself cry on the plane. I'll watch a bunch of movies about instant gratification and self-glorification, and then I'll leave it behind. With my iPod in one hand, my Bible in the other, I'll march forward with contradiction attempting to understand who and why I am, and what God will do with this princess of a girl.
